I Love to Dress in Frilly Things

I Love to Dress in Frilly Things

Somehow, she appeared to ‘fly-out’ through the front door, or maybe she just glided? I’m not sure which or what, but either way, it was a magical day.

“Do you want to do that now?” she asked.

 “Yes,” I said without hesitation.

We all loved them but there were only two pairs, a pink and a white. They’d been a gift to my sisters and all I can remember is wondering why I hadn’t been included! I could call them ‘knickers’ like we usually did in our family, back then, but that would change their very nature. I mean, who in their right mind or heart would want to wear ‘knickers’ when you could be wearing ‘Frilly Panties’?

Where would the fun be in that?

I’m sure there’s a reasonable answer to that question, out there somewhere, but as a child that’s how I saw it – and in truth, nothing much has changed on that score since!

We had to take it in turns. Well, actually that’s hardly true is it? I mean you don’t usually take turns at wearing one another’s underwear, do you? Unless of course, you’re a crossdresser, dressing for the pure joy of it!

God, I hate that term ‘Crossdresser’!

It suggests something is seriously wrong. The truth is, the girls had been gifted these wonderful Frilly Panties and I had not. I was simply left out. Tradition left me out!

”Why in heaven’s name would a young boy want to wear Frilly Panties?”

Despite thousands of theories, over the years, I still have no real idea why “I Love to Dress in Frilly Things”, but I do! I really do!

Back then, I knew it was “wrong”, but I would do it anyway!

Unfortunately, I can’t remember enough of the lovely details, but I did try them on, and I did love it! I must have loved it, for I’ve never stopped since! I was leaning back against a dressing table buttoning up my short summer pants, all a-glow and delighted with myself when Mammy’s head came peering through the door!

“Did you take your pants off in front of the girls?” she asked.

“Yes,” I replied in a low sheepish voice, silenced by my horror and shame.

The next day, Daddy walked by my room, in his formidable black business suit, and without looking, he spoke as he passed the door

“I heard about you!”

That was enough to seal my fate!

My question, ever since though, is this: “Was I cursed or was I blessed?”

Many years later, I came to write this …

I love to Dress in Frilly Things

I love to dress in frilly things, I’ve no idea why

I try to fight but soon give up, for fear, my heart will die

I love to dress in frilly things, a foolish thing I know

I try to fight but soon give up, to gently tie my bow

* * *

I love to feel my body soft, I love to talk and shop with girls

For this and that and God knows what, stockings, skirts, heels, and pearls

I love to choose my panties well, dressing nice from inside out

I love to browse for slips and things, for as I do there is no doubt

* * *

I love the resonance my body feels, in every sentient cell of being

When I dress in all those clothes I love, no longer hiding from my Queen

I love to walk in lady’s heels, I don’t know why I do

Am I seeking how I think it feels, a Lady’s love so true?

* * *

If I dare, let me take her out, if I dare, let her love this man

If I dare, let me dance in view, of all this World, when ere I can

In truth, I have no choice you know, not now at any rate

Who knows what dice the gods will throw? Who knows our passions fate?

* * *

I love the ‘girl’ in girls so much, I love their hearts you see

Maybe all I want’s a promise they’ll stop the way they scream at me

I love to be a powerful man, feeling strong and truly free

So, as I battle menopause, a change of sex is not for me

* * *

Masculine and Feminine bound, I fight what makes me thus

I wish my call was to be just male, but the gods have other plans for us

Who knows which or what is true? I accept my passions bind

No more wondering anymore, no more ravings of the mind

* * *

For notions grand and cultured long, have nobly led astray

Though chaos seems to haunt our song, our hearts will know their way

Let thinking knave stray where he will in search of truths to understand

For no matter what my thoughts distill, my heart needs not to comprehend

* * *

I love to dress in frilly things, all ‘pufty-pants’ and gay

A jesting fool in ‘silly dance’? There is no other way!

I love to dress in frilly things, I’ve no idea why

But death’s embrace gives me wings to let my passion fly!

The Manse, Derry, 20200324

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