From my journal today came three hugely inspiring heroines – thank you for having the courage to be you! It’s your greatest gift to the World!
It’s not about being right, or wrong for that matter, – it’s about being you!
Journal – Petrafied – 20240110 – happiness is an inside job
She’d be 100 today! Ma! I miss her but at some level I know I’m blocked – my sisters and brothers (hate that word sibling!) all seem to have a softer more warmly attached memory of her! She was (and still is) a beautiful soul and as such, we are inextricably linked – I am her, and she, me!
Happy 100th Christina Clare Colley! Come roll with me a while in this world of words!
Happiness is an inside job – perhaps my favourite saying of all!
I watched a video yesterday, which my lovely new found friend Áine sent (from her ‘half-year’ home in India) telling the story of a gorgeous woman, Apayauq Reitan, from Alaska who had moved to live (for the most part), in Norway to be able to transition. In our so-called evolved culture, mine and yours alike in this ever increasingly ‘pushy’ world, women are seen as the lesser and ‘weaker sex’ still! It’s getting worse in some places not better! Subtly at least – deep down in our DNA! Both men and women are hurt and demeaned, by our limited thinking. Transitioning is frowned upon, even aggressively and violently by so many. But alas this is how it is in so many cultures even in 2024 – we still, and I still, find it hard to relax about the whole subject – signs on, I’m still writing about it.
I watched the video with Amanda and in doing so, I could see clearly that I am a woman at heart and everything else including clothes, makeup, gestures, hormones, surgery et al are all outward expressions of my true self. I love this realisation! It’s beyond explanation. Home! Regardless of which gender you or I assign to me, I am a woman on the inside and acknowledging that feeling is wonderful!
I love getting involved in my business and having a focus. Doing so as Peter is easier – everything as Peter is easier except not being Petra!
I love building a life with Amanda, ostensibly as Peter, because I present as Peter but on the inside, I’m Petra. I fall back to being Peter during the day, having always woken as Petra, as it’s easier – it’s comfortable and familiar! I know who I am as Peter, in as much as I know how to be, what to do and say! I’m practiced at it and like everything else as you get experienced at it, it become more enjoyable because you’re better at it! This works for now while I get this business going. I’m determined to finally make a success of a business so not being Petra on the outside is bearable (it’s also easier – watch the video!).
I feel like the trans woman who made the Matrix (Alana)– I’ll transition fully in public, once the business is set up. Or maybe I won’t but allowing myself to believe or even say I will, assuages my pain and leaves me with a sense of happiness on the inside.
Happiness is indeed an inside job! Not necessarily, an easy job, but definitely an inside job! Living life thus works (whatever that means) for me! Without a doubt Ma and I, as souls, are connected.
I hope you’re faring well and that you’re feeling the peace within today great lady, wherever you may be!
Writing this makes me feel better – a bit like throwing up! As I watch video clips on Apayauq and the Watchowski Sisters I start to run again. I feel better as Peter! It’s easier. God I can’t even deal with the first little obstacle! Stop! Criticizing where you are keeps you there by giving it life! Stop!