At some point in your life, you may realise that you’ve missed great chunks of it.

You’ve missed you!

In reading my personal journals, written over the past 25 years, I see I’ve spent a lot of time ‘talking in circles’ and not so much time ‘walking with myself’! I’ve been brave for sure, and wonderfully stupid too, of course, but as you well know I’m sure, there’s a thin line between the two!

Oh, the joys of being human!

I’ve even ‘jumped off the proverbial cliffs’, coming out to the world as the mad man I am, only to settle contentedly on a ledge on the way down! Letting go is harder than I thought it would be! First, you have to let go but then the next thing you have to do is let go!

After that, it’s just a question of letting go!

Having said that, I’m not entirely sure why I’m letting go again, at this stage of my life! I draw the pension later this year (Yipee!) so why not just let ‘the letting go‘ go? Why not settle for a quiet life away from the hustle and bustle of it all? That would be nice and attractive but … a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do! Right! The Truth is, I’m publishing this blog to share my story in the hope that it will set me free and in the process maybe help others who like me, “Love to Dress in Frilly Things”.

I’ve spent a lifetime trying to satisfy a hunger within, searching to know what it is that drives me but more importantly to find a greater awareness of myself so I can enjoy this crazy life a little more.

Or more accurately perhaps, be less hurt by this crazy life!

I do it for myself of course but I’m also driven by the stories of other men who are drawn to dress in frilly things and women’s clothes. I mean, why would we even bother? Men’s clothes are much more comfortable and a lot less trouble to get into, so what are we doing? There are thousands of us apparently! Is it a mother issue? Is it just seeking a soft place to land for a while? Is it an addiction? Is it sexual? Is it that I’m a woman and not a man? Is it a deeply held fear of actually being a man or worse, of being ‘what I think a man is’?

Or maybe it’s none of the above?

It could be any one of a million things but to be honest, after spending a lifetime in “its” grips I give up! I let go and I love myself and all my parts without the wondering. Oh, how I envy those great souls who can just live their lives as given!

Writing this blog has been and is, liberating.

I hope you enjoy it and maybe even, get ‘something’ from it.

May you have the courage to have no courage at all …

with Love

Peter Petra – March 2020, The Manse, Derry

Peter Petra


Peter Petra

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